The Obedient Wife

A Thursday laugh for all of you ... Enjoy!

There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real 'miser' when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, “When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.”

And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, “Wait just a moment!”

She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away. Her friend said, “Girl, I know you were not fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband.”

The loyal wife replied, “Listen, I'm a Christian; I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket with him.”

“You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?”

“I sure did,” said the wife. “I got it all together, put it into my account, and wrote him a check ... If he can cash it, then he can spend it.”

THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car

and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play

two sports

and either take music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must

take care of his 3 kids,

keep his assigned house clean,

correct all homework,

complete science projects,

cook, do laundry,

and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man

will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays

of all their friends and relatives,

and send cards out on time--no emailing.

Each man must also take each child to a

doctor's appointment,

a dentist appointment,

and a haircut appointment.

He must make one unscheduled

and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care.

He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for

decorating his own assigned house,

planting flowers outside

and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will

only have access to television

when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs,

wear makeup daily,

adorn himself with jewelry,

wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes,

keep fingernails polished

and eyebrows groomed.

During one of the six weeks,

the men will have to endure

severe abdominal cramps, back aches,

and have extreme, unexplained mood swings

but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church,

and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

They will need to

read a book to the kids each night,

feed them,

dress them,

brush their teeth

and comb their hair by 7:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks,

and each father will be required to know all of the following information:

each child's birthday,

height, weight,

shoe size, clothes size

and doctor's name.

Also the child's weight at birth,

length, time of birth,

and length of labor,

each child's favorite color,

middle name,

favorite snack,

favorite song,

favorite drink,

favorite toy,

biggest fear

and what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance.

The last man wins only if... he still has enough energy

to be intimate with his spouse

at a moment's notice.

If the last man does win,

he can play the game

over and over and over again

for the next 18-25 years

eventually earning the right

To be called Mother!

Poop

Interesting topic for today's blog entry, don't you think? Poop is human nature. Everyone does it. So what makes it so dang fascinating ... to some? Not sure. Maybe it's a guy thing. Maybe it's just my family. But a few months back, Cameron came out of the bathroom and told me I had to take a look at what was in the toilet. I politely refrained, and then he warned me not to flush. He wanted to "keep it there until Dad could come home and see it." Now some of you may know the inside joke regarding the snakelight. If you don't, consider yourself blessed. If you do, then this incident would be right up there with it. Many times a "witness" has been called in to verify the size, similar to that of a fishing contest. Fast forward through those months to this weekend, when apparently my son decided to take the documentation upon himself. Didn't know it until he casually asked me to show him some pictures I had taken yesterday on my camera. I was flipping through the pictures on my digital camera and thought I was going to die. Seems while Bryan and I were outside working in the yard on Saturday, he felt the need for some "show and tell" time. For documenting a still portrait of, well, you're smart people. You can figure it out. He was hysterically laughing, on the floor, tears in the eyes, thinking it was the funniest thing on earth. "Let's run upstairs and show dad before he falls asleep." I'm sure this is exactly the image he wants before nodding off. Whatever. I honestly was not going to post about poop, it was not the most important thing on my mind today, but sometimes you just think back to a conversation that makes you laugh and this was one of them. Maybe if I "document" it, I'll stop having to replay the conversation in my head. And no, despite the why not's? from Cameron, I will NOT post the picture on the blog. Be happy I used the image I did. If you so desire to see it, feel free to email me. Then of course, I might be forced to share in another post who made such requests.

How to call the police ...

when you're old and don't move fast anymore...

George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked, "Is someone in your house?" and he said "no." Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.

George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." Then he hung up.

Within five minutes six police cars, the SWAT Team, a helicopter, two fire trucks, a paramedic and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them?!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available?!"

Don't mess with old people.

(Supposedly true story - who knows? Still funny!)

A Typical Friday Night

BOWL ANGEL!

Just thought I'd post a few pics from Cam's skate lessons. Our Friday nights usually consist of Cam's skate lesson/practice, and then dinner out. :) My how things change!
This was one of my favorite pictures. He was totally okay after initially falling down in the bowl, but I thought the picture was hilarious. He looked as if he's ready to make a snow angel. And the fact that his board was just sitting back there - waaaaaaay back there...


Here he is getting ready to drop in the bowl.



He's coming out of the bowl on this one and catching some air.

Working on some of the ramps

Here's the story behind this pic: Cameron had a skate lesson tonight. So Bryan and I drop him off, and head to Starbucks for some much needed fuel to get us through the next couple of hours. We get back, and are getting out of the car when this lady pulls into a parking space in the next row over. Someone was meeting her, as she left her car and got into another car that pulled up. Well before she left, she proceeded to clean out her car. She threw a heap of crap underneath her car and left. Doesn't settle so well with Bryan, so after they leave, he heads over to her car, hits the pavement and pulls this out. Apparently it was her dinner (plate, napkin and food). So he returns the lost trash to her by tucking it under her windshield wiper. Unbelievable. She saw us standing there and still had the nerve to toss it all out. At any rate, we just "returned lost property". :)